Breaking the Anxiety Cycle

By Anne Lewis, Therapist and Founder of VIVA Therapy

Breaking the Cycle of Anxiety with VIVA Therapy

Most people—especially those of us who struggle with anxiety—wish we could just be rid of it. As a therapist, I’m often asked, “How can I stop feeling anxious?” The answer, unfortunately, is that we can’t get rid of anxiety entirely. It’s part of the human condition.

In fact, if you’ve ever tried to ignore or suppress your anxious feelings, you may have noticed they got louder—or you turned to ultimately unhelpful behaviours like alcohol, drugs, or keeping busy to try to drown them out. The good news is, we can learn to understand anxiety and reduce its impact on our lives and relationships.

In this blog, I explore:

🔸 What anxiety really is

🔸 How the anxiety cycle works

🔸 Why anxiety can feel overwhelming

🔸 Practical steps to manage it

🔸 How therapy can help you feel more in control

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is a natural part of being human. Many things can make us feel anxious, and what triggers it varies from person to person. For some, anxiety becomes overwhelming and begins to dominate life—limiting how we live, work, and connect with others. That’s often the point when we reach out for support, whether from a GP or a therapist.

Lions and tigers and bears! Oh my!

Anxiety is a stress response triggered by fear or threat. It’s an almost perfect system for keeping us safe—ideal if we were still living in prehistoric times, when our survival depended on being alert to danger.

If you grew up in an environment where threat—whether emotional, physical, or relational—was common, your nervous system likely adapted to be on high alert to keep you safe. The problem is, that same system can now overreact, becoming hypervigilant and over-thinking in everyday situations.

Why Do I Feel Anxious If I’m Not Bumping into Tigers?

In today’s world, we’re less likely to face life-threatening danger, but our nervous system still reacts as though we are. Take crossing the road—you’re alert, aware of cars, but not panicking. That’s your nervous system doing its job without going into full-blown fight or flight.

Our need to feel connected to others is deeply rooted in our biology. Early humans needed to be part of a tribe for survival. That meant following group rules and remaining accepted by the group, or risk being excluded—something our nervous systems were wired to avoid at all costs.

Fast forward to modern life: we still crave belonging. So when we feel left out, judged, or disconnected—especially via social media—it triggers that same primal fear. Social media, with its perfect lives and public feedback (likes, comments, invites), can leave us feeling on the outside, not good enough, or like we're missing out.

This dynamic also plays out in the school playground, where being in the “in” group might feel safer than being alone, even if the group is toxic or unkind. We stay where we feel accepted, even if it causes us anxiety—because exclusion feels more dangerous. 

And so begins the cycle of anxiety.

The Cycle of Anxiety

When we let anxiety lead, we often act out of fear rather than authenticity. In therapy, we work to bring forward your true self—what some call the “wise mind.” This part of you knows what you need. It’s calm, grounded, and not driven by fear.

This doesn’t mean anxiety disappears. But how we respond when it shows up makes all the difference.

Before we get into the practical tips below, it’s important to understand what’s happening physiologically when you feel anxious.

What Happens in the Body When We Feel Anxious?

When your brain perceives a threat, it releases adrenaline to help you react—this is your fight-or-flight response. You might feel your heart race, you begin to feel warmer, and it’s harder to think clearly. You may feel hypersensitive to light, sound, or people.

This happens not only in moments of real danger, but also when we feel emotionally triggered—by a comment, a memory, or social pressure. The physical reaction is real, even if the threat is emotional or perceived. That’s why physical interventions like exercise and relaxation techniques can be so effective—they help your body regulate, which helps your mind follow suit.

But anxiety is also cognitive and emotional. If we don’t catch and address our anxious thoughts, they’ll fuel the physiological response. That’s where therapy comes in—helping you recognise the cycle and learning to interrupt it early.

Trying to suppress anxiety—dissociating through smoking, drinking, drugs, sex, or sleeping—might feel like a quick fix, but it won’t solve the root problem. In fact, it’s likely to add new problems to the mix and certainly alcohol will increase your anxiety in the long run. 

The Chimp Paradox

A little light reading! The Chimp Paradox by Dr Steve Peters

I've been reading The Chimp Paradox by Dr Steve Peters this month and he explains how the brain’s emotional centre—the “Chimp”—reacts instinctively to threat. It catastrophises and panics. But our rational mind—the “Human”—can bring calm, logic, and reassurance. The work of therapy is helping you access this “Human” part when anxiety flares.

Okay, That’s All Helpful, But What Can I Do About It?

Think of anxiety like a fire alarm. When it goes off, it jolts you. But then you assess the situation: You need to understand what the fire alarm is telling you and quickly, so you assess the situation: Is there smoke? Is it a drill? Do I need to get out of the building? 

We need to do the same with anxiety, treat it as an alert—the earlier you tune in, the less disruptive it will be as you will be able to make decisions before the anxiety part takes over completely. 

I often describe anxiety like a toddler screaming for attention. If you ignore it, the screams get louder. But if you tune in early, ask what it needs, and offer reassurance, the distress eases. The same goes for anxiety.

My Top Tips for Managing Anxiety and Understanding Yourself Better

Step 1: Get in There Early

🟢 Start by noticing when anxiety first shows up—before your thoughts spiral. You might feel a warm flush, a tight chest, a clenched stomach, or tension in your shoulders. Listen to your body. That’s your early alarm.

🟢 Then, get curious. Ask: What might I be anxious about? What triggered this feeling? Is this connected to something deeper? It can be uncomfortable to sit with these questions, but doing so creates awareness and space for change.

Use this Mini Meditation to help you relax

🧘‍♀️ If you’d like a little help grounding yourself, try this free 2-minute relaxation exercise I’ve recorded.

🟢 Let go of judgement: You are not weak, silly, or broken. You’re human.

Remember what you’ve managed before: Think back to moments when you coped despite initially being anxious.

🟢 Reassure yourself: Say, “This is difficult, but I will be okay.”

Step 2: Name It and Take Ownership

Once you’ve identified what’s causing your anxiety, don’t push it away—name it and ask yourself these questions:

🔸 Why is this making me anxious?

🔸 Am I doing something I don’t want to do?

🔸 Am I worried about how others will respond?

Then try adding in the word “choice.” For example, “I realise that seeing Becky makes me anxious because I feel judged, but for now, I choose to continue the friendship.”

Choosing is empowering. It’s the difference between feeling subjected to something and deciding to continue something, until you decide to change it. It makes the situation feel more manageable—you’re taking back control.

Build Your Support System

💬 Talk to someone you trust. Sharing helps put things into perspective.

💬 Talk to your therapist. Therapy can help you build tools that lessen anxiety.

💬 Speak to your GP. If you’re not in therapy, ask about referrals. You can also explore whether medication might be helpful—it can help bring things into balance, so you can begin to work on the anxiety properly.

It's important for our mental well-being to have a safe community around us, however small it is.

🛌 Rest and Recovery. When you do experience anxiety, create some space and time to allow your nervous system to calm down. You deserve rest. Give your body time to reset.

🥰 Don’t judge yourself for feeling anxious. This is really important because judging yourself just adds to the weight of anxiety. Be compassionate towards yourself.

What Else Can Help?

I haven’t mentioned the usual advice—like mindfulness or exercise—because I know those things can feel too difficult to do when you’re struggling. That’s why my next blog post will be: 

How to Set Your Life Up to Have Less Anxiety

I’ll look at ways to build a life that supports your nervous system and reduces anxiety triggers.

✨ If you'd like to be the first to read it, check back here soon!

Anne Lewis, Couples and ADHD Therapist

About Me 

Anne Lewis, Therapist

I’m Anne Lewis, therapist and founder of VIVA Therapy. I support adult clients who have ADHD, diagnosed or undiagnosed, and I work with couples where ADHD is a factor. I provide virtual therapy sessions and help clients understand and improve their communication, building a stronger and healthier relationships. 🏳️‍🌈

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